Amy’s birth of Krogan:
My appointment the day before Krogan’s birth, the midwife swept my membranes (at 39 weeks) without asking me if that was what I wanted. I did not want to be swept and she had reviewed my birth plan the week before that stated I didn’t want any such interventions. Krogan was not ready to come and I was in no rush to have him come out. I told her I was willing to go to 42 weeks if necessary and then she swept. I honestly believe that babies come when they are ready and he wasn’t ready so he didn’t come the way he was supposed to. I attribute my water breaking before he was ready to that sweeping.
I woke up at 12:55 am on July 1st to go to the bathroom, got back to the bed, and then felt very uncomfortable. I decided to lay my head at the foot of the bed and then POP my water broke. I ran to the bathroom as I was waking up my husband. His response was ‘cool’! I got cleaned up and then we got back in the bed for a little while. I should have waited to call Dr. D but I didn’t know how much fluid I should lose before calling, so I called against my better judgment. We went in, under the impression that they would check to see if it really was my water and then be sent back home to labor naturally until I felt the need to go back to the hospital because that was the plan… that wasn’t the case. Everything went so fast and put the IV in my arm before I could refuse. I removed the IV about 10 minutes later.
I feel so stupid for believing that I would have gotten the birth that I wanted. I thought that if I was really positive that it would go my way… I don’t really think it would have ended much different at a birthing center because he wasn’t ready but at least I wouldn’t have had the Pitocin. I was already prepared to have a C-section when I went in; all I really wanted was to attempt a natural birth without pain management or Pitocin… They have not done enough studies on the effects of Pitocin and I know that it breeches the placenta and into the baby.
My water broke before Krogan was actually engaged… I labored for 21 hours. Dr. D only ‘let’ me labor for 8 hours before pretty much forcing the Pitocin on me by making me feel stupid, like my decision wasn’t good enough and I was already a bad mom for putting my wants before Krogan’s health… I knew that the Pitocin wouldn’t work in my body. My mother had almost the SAME birth experience minus the horrible reaction to an anesthetic that shouldn’t have been used. By the time I decided to just make them prep me for the C-section I was on a 26 ml drip of Pitocin unmedicated. They were intense contractions but the relief when they were over kept me going… I would have gone as long as they would ‘let’ me but I knew they weren’t ‘working contractions’ and my dilation was stalled… I was so upset and thought that the Pitocin and my mood were affecting Krogan… Dr. D asked me to “just give him one more hour” and I told him no and that I wanted a C-section not the Pitocin. I was taking back control of my son’s birth. He walked out of the room without acknowledging me. I then told my amazing nurse where Dr. D could put the hour and that I was done playing his Pitocin game. My nurse took it upon herself to stop the drip and told me she would tell him I refused to continue. My husband and I cried it out and then I was headed to surgery.
I had 7 contractions by the time Dr. W got the block in… He didn’t even pause when I was having them, just kept poking away… My back looked like a porcupine attacked me. My amazing nurse let me hold onto her and cry into her arms… by the time I was laying on the table her whole sleeve was soaked from the shoulder to the forearm with my tears. After all of that the spinal didn’t even work, I could still feel the pinch test on my stomach, so they went with knocking me out. Everyone was frustrated with me and it wasn’t my fault that it didn’t work… Dr. D was huffing and puffing each time I said I could still feel it. He made me feel like an idiot. I think I know the difference between pressure and a pinch/prick. He sighed once and dropped his hands on my stomach with impatience. He made a joke about dinner time and was VERY unprofessional as I lay there crying all alone because they wouldn’t let my husband in to hold my hand or even my Aunt who is a director at the hospital.
I had a horrible reaction to the Ketamine that they used to put me under… I guess I was at such a low place emotionally by the time they gave it to me that I had the worst ‘trip’ ever. I could feel everything and was screaming “Owie Owie Owie.” My whole family could hear me from the Recovery Room when they were stitching me up and everyone seems pretty scarred for life. My aunt is the director of the OR downstairs, not the one in L&D, she sees surgeries all the time and my cousin said that she was just staring at the door with a scared look on her face. I don’t understand why they used the Ketamine, after researching many women have this same reaction. I had an ‘out of body experience’ just like in the movies and remember everything on my side of the experience. I honestly thought that I had died. NO ONE told me about the Ketamine, possible side effects, if I had a choice. In my mind Dr. W does not deserve a license. He left the room while my surgery was taking place and I was still under anesthesia having complications. I was strapped down to the table but I still managed to move around enough that my scar is a zig zag, overlapping itself, and just looks horrible.
They did not allow the delayed cord clamping that I requested. It makes no sense as to why they would have cut the cord seeing as they took it out the same time they took him out. They could have left it in a bowl next to his body. It was VERY important to me that he get all of HIS blood from the placenta and that was not followed.
The nurses were amazing after the C-section and I woke up to one of them holding Krogan to my breast even though the docs said they wouldn’t be allowed to do that… The nurses knew how important it was to me to breast feed as soon as Krogan was born and that was as soon as they could do it… she held him there pretty much the whole time I was in recovery and everything else in my plan for after the birth was followed. The nurses were really trying to turn it back into a positive and they did an amazing job.
I would have likely had to have the C-section regardless because the baby wasn’t ready and they think that one of the positions that I tried put him sideways and at an angle so he was a little stuck… I am NOT upset that my labor didn’t go as planned. I am upset that the midwife did not follow my wishes, that I was pressured into the Pitocin, and Ketamine was used to put me under. I was mentally prepared for a C-section.
Dr. D was very cold toward me the next 2 days during my hospital stay. He barely came in the room and only asked me about pain management. He didn’t seem concerned about my reaction to the Ketamine. No one spoke to me about it. I guess they were all thinking that I didn’t remember it but I remember everything.
Krogan is perfect and it was all worth it (even the bad psychotic trip)… he sleeps great, we are nursing, and the birth worked out fine for him… in the end that’s all that matters to me.
I think that the doctors need to be honest with their patients. Dr. D told me that it would be “Your show” and that “no one will pressure you into anything” he even talked to me about how to get the nurses to do what I wanted… it wasn’t the nurses that didn’t do what I wanted it was the midwife and doctor. If I knew that I was going to have the Pitocin pushed on me then I would have switched insurance and gone with Charleston Birth Place. I am to the point where I don’t ever want to have another child. Hopefully my counseling sessions can bring me to a point where Dr. D and Dr. W no longer effect my life and I can think about children in the future but as of now that is a slim reality.
At my follow up appointment Dr. D came in like nothing out of the ordinary happened at the hospital and it really upset me. He ripped out my sutures without a barrier of protection for himself or me. He didn’t wear gloves or wash his hands before touching me; that also upset me. As a healthcare worker I fully understand the need for hand washing and glove wearing. Then he was out the door never to be seen again.
Krogan is now 9 months old. He is meeting milestones ahead of schedule and has never been sick. We have struggled a lot with breastfeeding but are still nursing but he has never had commercial formula thanks to many amazing milk donors. I was under the care of a psychologist to work through my birth trauma and can now read this with only crying a few tears. I don’t think that I will ever be able to think about my son’s birth with a smile on my face. He is perfect and whole but we definitely missed out on what we deserved. Hopefully next time he will be old enough to experience the birth of his brother or sister at home.
